Amid all of the hiking, biking, yoga, dinners, Jeep roads, cycling races and other fun times with my family, there have been some doctors appointments and continuing rehab.
Last week, I saw Dr. Paul for my Herceptin infusion, Dr. Jewell for a skin check, Layna for PT, Dr. Bateman for more tissue expansion and Butch for acupuncture. I feel really well, and I am very happy to be done with the apex of my treatment. Chemo is done, mastectomy is done, radiation is done. Those are the big three. And while I’m glad they’re done and they’ve been incredibly successful, there’s a little bit of a scary component to their completion as well.
That may sound strange, but DURING treatment, it felt like I was actively doing everything I could to get better. I was in the process of healing, eliminating, improving. Now I have to have faith that what I did was enough. And that what I’m currently doing is enough. And that all that I’ll continue to do will be enough.
I am reminded of the final paragraph of “wild” by Cheryl Strayed. She says, “It was all unknown to me then, as I sat on that white bench on the day I finished my hike. Everything except the fact that I didn’t have to know. That it was enough to trust that what I’d done was true. To understand its meaning without yet being able to say precisely what it was…”
That’s where I am. Sitting on my own white bench of sorts, after I’ve finished my treatment, knowing that it is enough to trust that what I’ve done is true. How wild it is, to let it be.