Inspiration

When you finish a draft of a poem, or a short story or novel, you make sure you go out and celebrate all night long because whether the world ever notices or not, whether you get it published or not, you did something most people never do: You started, stuck with and finished a creative work. And that is a triumph.— Andre Dubus III

20170430_111043

I’ve been making time to write on a regular basis. In fact, I work on my book everyday. That doesn’t mean that I sit in front of my computer and compose daily, but I think through, sort out, develop, remember, discover and engineer nearly constantly. So much so that I’ve started texting myself thoughts and ideas, writing notes in my phone, taking pictures, saving articles and capturing quotes. I’ve had conversations with four key people who played pivotal roles in my experience with cancer to discuss their treatment in my book. And then, usually 3 to 4 days a week, I sit down at my computer to make sense of my notes and pin down my thoughts.

I’m enjoying every minute of the process — for a change! My sister and I always talk about how process sucks, generally. I mean, we all love to move into a new house and have it all set up just the way we like it. But the process?? No thanks. This is where my growth comes in — I’m learning to relish the process.

To say that this book is important to me is a whopping understatement. Therefore, I’m giving to it the vigorous and sustained effort it calls for. And in this endeavor, I’m recruiting every bit of inspiration I can muster.

I’ve been running again. Running clears my head like nothing else on earth. I love to sweat and accomplish my workout with zeal. I feel so full of pep when I’m done. And that’s why I run first thing in the morning. It’s the best start to those three days a week.

I do yoga, including asana practice, breathing and application of the sutras to all areas of my life.

I go to beautiful places — the river, the mountains, the beach, my yard.

I cultivate my vegetable garden, my flowers, my plants and my trees. I grow grass and spread mulch. I weed, prune, water and talk to my beauties.

I clean. To me, a clean and neat house (and garage and sidewalks and patio) afford me the clarity I need for my cluttered mind to be organized and spilled out onto paper.

I listen to music — on the radio and in person. Michael and I went to the Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness concert in April and it is one of my favorite concerts to date. First, it was in Charleston, SC so we got a little romantic getaway in there. Second, it was at the Music Farm which holds only a few hundred people. Third, he’s incredibly talented. Lastly, he’s a cancer survivor. I didn’t not know that. I’d seen him previously at Fiddler’s Green in Denver, CO, but he didn’t talk about it then. This night, he did. He performed the hell out of a song that he wrote when he was with Jack’s Mannequin called “Holiday from Real.” And he beautifully and poignantly sang “Swim.” He dedicated this song to survivors in the audience and invited us all to become part of the Bone Marrow Registry. I felt like he was talking to me. And, I guess he was.

I learn German and plan my trip (now less than 6 weeks away). I’m super grateful to my gorgeous and brilliant (and patient) teacher, Marion, for helping me get this far! I aim to be able to hold an entire conversation with you in German.

Most of all, I remember that I am human. Writing a book takes time, patience, editing and editing and editing. Thanks for the reminder, Aaron, that I can always rewrite what’s been written but I can’t rewrite what’s not.

Andiamo!

“Swim”

You’ve gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you’re not so sure you’ll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven’t come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I’m not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won’t end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you’ve gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don’t see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I’m not giving in
Well I’m not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There’s no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you’ve gotta swim
Don’t let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it’s not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

Advertisements

One thought on “Inspiration

  1. Congratulations on writing about being so present in your life. The sweetness you feel comes through and gives me a warm feeling inside. Thank you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s