Dear Erika on the last Tuesday in May of 2015

one-day

I come to you from the future to say, the answer to all of your questions is yes. Yes! Yes. Yep.

I know that you just finished six rounds of chemotherapy and are only a couple of weeks past a bilateral mastectomy. I know that you still have to face 6 weeks of radiation after starting the process of reconstruction. I know that you have to get Herceptin infusions every three weeks 14 more times. And I know that more surgery follows next year. Still, I am here to tell you — the answer is YES!!!

You will run comfortably again. Your knees will benefit from the exercise and your hips will appreciate the movement. Your bones will reap the effects of the impact and continue to strengthen and build. Your heart will beat like your own again and your breathing will be slow and strong. When you ask? Tuesday, May 30, 2017. Not someday. Today.

Your body will look like yours again. And feel like yours again. Your hair will fall in soft curls to your shoulders. (Yes, your shoulders! Iiii knowwww!!) And you will have ordered a two-piece bathing suit for your upcoming European vacation. When, you ask? Today.

You will move like you again. Your arms are free. Your chest is open. Your back is strong. Your lats are toned. Your legs are sturdy. Your triceps are independent. Yoga, cycling, hiking, running — whatever you choose will be available to you. Today and every other day.

Your heart will recover from the powerful, risky, necessary medication that is infused into your body every 21 days. It is resilient. Those echocardiograms? Keep getting them as often as Dr. Paul tells you to. Everything turns out fine. Your heart, while its condition is reset to zero, recovers. It no longer pounds like a kick drum when you rise from bed. Your pulse no longer throbs in your throat from walking up a flight of stairs. You’ll hike and run and do chatarunga.

You will be satisfied because you realize that giving a shit isn’t your style. You will run down a long and open lane and feel good. And you’ll thank yourself for heading out on this run. And suddenly you’ll realize that everything feels good — your knees, your femurs, your hips, your heart, your lungs and the sweat pouring off your forehead onto your eyelashes (yes, eyelashes!). And you’ll find yourself grinning. And when you do, you’ll chuckle out loud because you’re just so damn glad that you can do this. And you don’t care who sees you.

You are in this place, living your dharma because you’re grateful, and therefore you’re happy. You’re happy for all that has happened. And (wait for it …) for all that hasn’t happened. (mind=blown)

You’re grateful that you now realize that “this too shall pass” is not just a saying. It’s the truest thing you know for sure. And because of the impermanence of all things, you appreciate life that much more!

You’re content because you know that only after the lowest of lows can you experience the highest of highs. And guess what? YOU get to decide what gets makes you feel high! It’s fantastic. Learn German? Sure. Take a five-week trip to Germany? Don’t mind if I do. Get a degree in German? Ok, I’ll start in August. Continue on a path of spiritual evolution that awakens your soul and invigorates your being? I thought you’d never ask.

You’re confident in your own skin. You will be running 12-minute miles. And those feel sweet. You won’t feel like you must make excuses for why you’re not “performing” better. Pfft! Screw performance. Running gives you what you need gooooood.

You will forgive the people who have disappointed you in this process. You’ll realize that they’re only human and they weren’t meant to accompany you on this path. They have their own path which isn’t meant for you either. You’ll be glad about that and in some cases, downright tickled.

This is all true because you endured. The task of recovery is daunting but, you stuck with it. You are patient, you are kind, you are supportive, you are tenacious, you are optimistic, you are unrelenting. You have resolve. Your heart is open and your soul is pure. And so you are free.

You will wake up on Tuesday, May 30, 2017 and you will go for a run like it’s no big whoop. Just lace up your shoes and head out for a few miles because you’ve been getting ready for this day and it’s finally here!

Namaste. Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

 

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5 thoughts on “Dear Erika on the last Tuesday in May of 2015

  1. I’m not sure how I found you, but it had something to do with your review of the Ritz…I was snooping and bumped onto your blog. I love it! I have Cholangiocarcinoma ( bile duct cancer).. Yes..I know..it is rare and no one has heard of it…but your blog resonates with me. ..I would love to connect with you. ..I am hoping to share your blog with others !
    Thanks again#💚
    Cindy

    Like

    1. Hi Cindy! Thanks for reaching out! I hope you are well. I’m sorry that you have to deal with a cancer diagnosis. You have my sincere best wishes for a full recovery. I greatly appreciate the compliment about my blog. Please feel free to share it. And, feel free to click on the “Follow” button to receive an email whenever I post. After this summer, I’m going to get cracking on my book writing again. Fingers crossed for a first draft in 2017! All the best to you! Peace, Erika

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      1. Hi.. Thanks again for your reply. Yes, looking forward to more posts. Good luck with the book!
        Peace & Love..
        Cindy

        Like

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